God IS Eager to Heal Us

God IS Eager to Heal Us – A Female Living Waters Graduate

The author of this testimony has completed two sessions of Living Waters as a participant. She shares her story with the hope that it will help others on a similar journey. For some people, the pain of sexual abuse is so traumatic that they push the memories of it deep down inside their hearts. God in His mercy sometimes brings those memories to the forefront so that they can be acknowledged and brought to Him for healing. The author shares about learning to accept the reality of her sexual abuse, learning to carry the pain to Jesus Christ, and learning to walk in His cleansing and healing. If you have suffered the pain of childhood sexual abuse, reach out to safe people for help. Call Reconciliation Ministries at 586.739.5114.

This is my healing journey with God. My experiences with Him are teaching me some truths about Him, about His desire to bring me healing, and about the importance of me doing my part by listening to His voice.

My background is that I grew up in a dysfunctional alcoholic home. My dad was cross addicted to alcohol and prescription pills. When I was eleven years old I attended Bible camp and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. So I've been walking with God a long time, but I entered adulthood with a lot of wounds and brokenness because of my traumatic childhood.

Our healing takes time, and that is the path that I'm now on. About twelve years ago I began to seek God's presence and healing in my life in a deeper way. I sensed there was a lot of wounding in my heart that only He could free… and so I began attending several retreats. I truly believe that God is always present with us, but I also believe that when we go out of our way to meet God, as on a retreat, we will not be disappointed. In large part, it was on those retreats that God brought me healing from some of my childhood issues. That process began with Him bringing me awareness that I needed to deal with certain issues – one at a time.

It was on one of these retreats, in prayer with others several years ago now, that I seemed to get the impression I might be a sexual abuse victim. I had no memory of any abuse, and so after that retreat weekend, I concluded I must have just manufactured it in my mind. I was aware that people some times think they are having a real memory but it really isn't a memory at all… and so I decided to consider this experience as not valid until and unless God showed me otherwise.

About a year later, on yet another retreat, I was packing to leave on Sunday when a woman named Donna came up to me and said, "God asked me to pray for you from the moment you walked in on Friday night because He told me we have the same issue." I replied, as casually as possible, "Oh, and what issue is that?" And she said, "We're both childhood sexual abuse victims."

I was truly stunned by her words. I just about fell on the floor! And after that weekend I realized God wanted me to take this revelation seriously. God, the gentle healer, wanted me to know the truth so I could be free from it. So while He had revealed just a small glimpse of the abuse the year before, He was now confirming this as a valid issue on this retreat.

I just want to emphasize that He brought me the awareness of areas that needed healing, which He continues to do. I don't have to be really smart and figure out what I need, because He will show me and lead me to it. God knows better than I do what I need healing from, and He will reveal it to me if I am open to Him and listening to His voice. As He continues to bring me freedom and healing from my issues, I know Him as a gentle, dependable Healer. I can trust He will not bring me more than I can handle at any one time. I don't have to try and figure out what I need healing from, I can trust Him to show me... my job is to stay open to listening to His voice and to be open to the work of the Holy Spirit.

I attended Living Waters two years ago. It was during the second or third week that I recalled another incident of abuse that occurred when I was ten. I had spent my whole adult life pushing that incident down, trying not to think about it because it was so painful. When I thought about it I was filled with an overwhelming sense of shame. Being a good co-dependent child of an alcoholic, I grew up believing I was responsible for other people's actions, and so I felt guilt and shame around my own abuse. In Living Waters, this incident of abuse came to the surface. Once again, God who knows our needs without our even asking, delivered me from that shame as the three group leaders prayed over me asking God to show me the truth of this incident. Within about ten or fifteen minutes, I was completely freed from all that shame that had been so painful to even think about before. It is because I have been freed from shame that I can share my story now.

You see, that's how God works. He came to free us. Jesus said, in Luke 4:18-19, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

I am the prisoner. I am the oppressed who Jesus came to set free. And so are you.

I pray you will be open to the Holy Spirit, that He may reveal your brokenness to you, that you may come to Him for healing. Invite Him to be your revealer and healer. I pray you will be open to God shedding His light into the darkness of your past in order that you may be free. God is a gentle healer. He lovingly beckons us to come to Him for healing.

So I urge you to listen. Listen to what the Lord wants to bring you. What do you need healing from? What haunts you? In the silence of the evening when you're tired, what pursues you and casts a shadow of shame over you and disquiets your soul?

John 10:10 Jesus says, the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy... I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full.

My chains fell off, I've been set free. That is what Jesus came here for... our freedom, and to bring us life abundant. Do you have it? Do you want it?

If you would like more information about Reconciliation Ministries, or any of the ministries we offer, visit us on the Web at www.recmin.org, or call (586) 739-5114. You may also e-mail us at info@recmin.org. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

Our office is located at 25410 Kelly Road, in Roseville, Michigan 48066.

Reconciliation Ministries is an affiliate ministry of Exodus International, and uses many of the programs written by Desert Stream Ministries.