His Prodigal – Brad Martin

His Prodigal – Brad Martin

Brad has been associated with Reconciliation Ministries and Living Waters since 2000. He and his wife, Janice, were married in 1992 and have five wonderful children.

I have the exciting opportunity to tell you my journey out of sexual addiction, and into Reconciliation Ministries and sexual purity. It all began in 1999. Actually, my story began much earlier than that but my journey of healing began there. I remember sitting in church listening to a speaker talk about his sexual struggles from the pulpit. I was filled with excitement, shock, hope and anger. I was afraid that if he didn’t stop talking that someone would find out about what was going on in my world. You see, I was living what I thought was the typical Christian life. Trying my hardest to live according to God’s ways, but filled with rage and lust without hope that there was another way. What I was about to find out is that there was a great hope out there for sexual strugglers. His name was Jesus Christ.

For the first time in my life, I thought there might be someone who might understand me. I took the time to search out the man who stood in our pulpit and went to lunch with him. For the first time in my life, I revealed all that was going on inside of me. He listened with understanding and acceptance. He reacted opposite of everyone that I had ever shared my struggles with. He didn’t tell me to stop, or that I needed to change, or that I was a disappointment to God. Rather, he accepted me and offered me hope for the first time. Hope that I, even with my struggles, could be pleasing to God. You see, I had tried for years to stop doing what I was doing but I was addicted. The problem was that I was trying in my strength to stop from the outside, a problem that existed deep down inside of me. All God wanted was for me to realize that I was His, and He was going to take me on a journey that would bring me closer to Him. Closer to the freedom that I had only dreamed about in the past.

The contributing factors in my addiction are similar to those of many other people. I was exposed to pornography at an early age. I had a deep desire to spend quality time with my dad, and because of his job he was absent quite often. There were very high expectations in my home, and a lot of perfectionism. I was also sexually molested on several different occasions in my childhood. I remember, though, the incident in my mind that marks the conscious choice to enter my addiction. I had never owned my own pornographic magazine until I was 18 years old. I asked one of my older friends to buy me some pornography for my 18^th birthday. This began my downward spiral. The addiction grew in intensity and frequency until I reached bottom in 1999. I was ready to give up because I just couldn’t live with myself, and I didn’t believe that there was any hope for me. That’s when God intervened.

I enrolled in Living Waters at Reconciliation Ministries and the journey began. The first step was learning how accepted I was by God and how great His love was for me. You see, until someone knows deep in their being that they are loved and accepted they will continue to look in all the wrong places for that love. What I found out deep in my being from the voice of God Himself, was that nothing could separate me from His love – not even my sexual struggles. This fundamental understanding brought me to a place where I was willing to allow God to take me on a journey of looking at my pain and dealing with it from the inside. Letting Him heal the pain within and lead me into a deeper relationship with Him has made the difference. Although this was a huge step in the right direction I still found it lacking. I needed something more to help me with the deep patterns of addiction that I had formed in my life.

Reconciliation Ministries was piloting a new program for sexual addicts called Falling Forward and I had the opportunity to participate. Even though I had realized the depth of God’s love I needed to break the patterns of addiction that I had formed. I also needed to develop strong accountability to help me through the battle. Additionally, I needed to learn to identify stumbling blocks that continued to trip me up on my journey towards freedom. All of these things and more were explored in great depth in the Falling Forward program. It was the instruction manual on my addiction. It helped me to disarm the triggers and learn to continue to deal with the issues that were contributing to the problem.

Well, you’re probably asking are you healed? The answer to that question is, “Yes”! I am healed from my thinking that I must be perfect to be accepted by God. I am healed from the belief that my performance affects His love for me. My addictions are less severe than they ever have been in my life. I am learning to walk more free every day. Most of all I have a great hope that God is able to continue the work that He started and bring me to complete freedom in His time.

As crazy as it sounds I have come to be thankful for my journey through addiction. It has taught me lessons that I never would have learned otherwise. I have learned to love people in their struggles. Also, it has taught me that God is in control and that He is faithful to continue the work that He has started. Most importantly though, it has taught me that I am broken but loved and that God is most glorified when He works through broken vessels like me. I now believe that although I am still a long way off, that God is running towards this prodigal longing to throw His arms around me and declare His great love for me.

My prayer is that God will grant you the grace to confront the addiction in your life that keeps you from experiencing all of His love for you.

Recommended Resource

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software

People struggling with Internet pornography need Christian support and accountability to overcome their addiction. Covenant Eyes is a software program that tracks every website visited by the user, and sends a detailed report to two accountability partners. The history log generated by the user is stored on the Covenant Eyes corporate computer and cannot be erased or altered. Turning off the accountability software disables Internet access. We have a strict policy at Reconciliation Ministries that every computer connected to the Internet must have this software installed and running. Knowing that someone will see every specific website that one has visited helps people steer clear of pornography. Covenant Eyes lets us know where our loved ones have been. Help those you care about avoid the dangers of the Internet by keeping them accountable with Covenant Eyes.

If you would like more information about Reconciliation Ministries, or any of the ministries we offer, visit us on the Web at www.recmin.org, or call (586) 739-5114. You may also e-mail us at info@recmin.org. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

Our office is located at 25410, in Roseville, Michigan 48066.

Reconciliation Ministries is an affiliate ministry of Exodus International, and uses many of the programs written by Desert Stream Ministries.