For
years I taught and believed that I needed to have everything under control in my
life. I found the man I wanted to marry and chased him until he caught me. We
had 4 beautiful children that I dressed perfectly (at least they started out
that way), took them to the perfect church(s) where they attended the perfect
Sunday school. Then, something awful happened, they became teenagers and I began
to see my control slipping away. Oh, I know what to do, I thought. I will see
that they attend the perfect youth group. But still, that didn't seem to work.
I found out that they were some of the things that they were taught not to do
(in varying degrees). How could this happen? Had I failed? How could I bring
things back into control?Well, nothing seemed to work. I tried yelling, grounding, taking away privileges, etc. etc., but they seemed to turn around and do something stupid again. I began to feel more and more desperate. How could "I" have raised such rebellious children? What did "I" do wrong? What if "I" had been a better parent? The enemy of my soul had me so condemned that I nearly had a nervous breakdown.
Then God sent a special messenger to my house one night in the form of a very dear and honest friend. I had come to the point where I had to ask one of my children (at that time she was 19) to
leave the house. It was the only way to bring peace back in our home again. I
was a wreck. I felt so guilty. What had I done? So, I called my friend
Shirley and she came right over. After she let me cry and get out a lot of
mixed up feelings, she asked me a question. "You are blaming this on yourself,
aren't you?" "Why of course I am, I am the parent." "Let me ask you another
question, she said. Is God a parent? What kind of parent is He?" Why I said
"Yes, he's a perfect parent." She responded with "Do his kids rebel?" I was
truly taken back by that. Could it not be all my fault? Could my kids possibly
have had the audacity to develop their own wills? Did I no longer have control
over their decisions? If I didn't, then who did? You're not saying they made
these wrong decisions by themselves are you? Well, the reality is that I was no
longer in control it was between them and God. I could pray but I was not
responsible for the outcome. I had done the best I knew how to and now it was
up to them to establish their own relationships with God.I would love to tell you that everything was fine after that and that I had learned instantly to trust the Lord with my kids (adult children). Over the years we were met with many trials. But there was one in particular in which I began to see God working in my life in regard to letting go of
control.
To make a long story short, we found out our youngest daughter, Tracey, had left
her husband of nine months for another woman. We asked her if she knew what
the Bible said about homosexuality and she said she did. How would we ever
handle this one?Over a long period of time and with much thanks to God for leading us to Healing Hearts, I have learned to love her and her partner unconditionally. It's been four years now and I have learned to leave her in God's hands. One day, God told me that I was to quit worrying about her salvation because it was between Him and her. All I had to do was enjoy the gift he gave me in her. I can honestly say that I love Tracey just the way she is and I am proud to say that I am her Mom. She and I are great friends and have a mutual respect for each other. I have learned to love her in a Christ-like way without condoning her homosexuality. I was sure that things would start to fall apart and she would repent, but quite the opposite has happened. She and Marcy are doing well naturally and emotionally. I don't know what God is doing but I don't have to know because He is in the Control Tower and I know I can trust Him to direct me and my family on to the right path.
I would like to leave you with one last thought from the Word of God that I just "happened" to read today. These are the "Be Attitudes" according to The Message:
Matthew 5:3-10
3"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.