Forgiveness with Boundaries

Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of conflicting messages about forgiveness. Some of those messages caused more pain to those who were already deeply wounded. Some demand instant forgiveness for truly devastating wounds. Others say we haven’t forgiven if we still feel the pain of the offense. I’ve heard unrepentant offenders insist on forgiveness and demand that trust and reconciliation accompany that forgiveness. What do we make of all this and more?

Forgiveness and healing are two different processes. They are often interwoven. Sometimes our hearts need to experience healing in order to forgive, and sometimes we need to forgive in order to heal. The Lord asks us to be open to Him in these processes. True forgiveness may take time for healing and learning to understand the effects of the offense. Bitterness can keep us trapped in our wounds.

The Lord asks us to lay down our anger and resentment towards those who wound us. Human, emotional forgiveness is different from the judicial forgiveness of one’s sins that only God can provide. Judicial forgiveness from God requires a repentant heart. Laying down our resentment towards those who wounded us is independent of the attitude of our offender. Even if our offender is unrepentant and happy that he has wounded us, human forgiveness frees us from being emotionally captive to our pain.

Forgiveness is also different from trust and restoration of relationship. Trust must be earned. Even though we may have forgiven someone, their continued actions may prove they remain untrustworthy. We are not required to restore relationships with dangerous people. There may also be situations where our offenders may actually be repentant and trustworthy; however, the situation may not require a restoration of relationship. We can practice forgiveness with boundaries.

Jesus Won't Reject You

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.

Isaiah 42:3 NLT

If you're feeling hopeless and too messed up to come to God, take comfort in that verse from Isaiah. Jesus will accept anyone who comes to Him for help. No matter how messed up you feel. No matter how badly you’ve sinned. Go to Him. He won’t look at you in disgust. He won’t turn away. He won’t snuff out the last smoldering flames in your heart. He offers forgiveness. Jesus can take you out of your emotional pit and give you peace. He can free you from addictive sexual sin. He can heal the wounds of sexual abuse. He will help you if you ask. Jesus may not calm every storm in your life, but He will carry you through the storms. He promises that He will NEVER leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

Learning to walk in the peace and freedom that Jesus offers takes time. It is a process with many ups and downs. Maybe you’ve done good for a while, only to fall again. You might be tempted to give up. Don’t! Come back to the cross. Reach out for help. If you confess your sin, He will forgive you and cleanse your heart (1 John 1:9). Stick with Jesus, and He will complete the work He started in you (Philippians 1:6).

Reconciliation Ministries and the many compassionate men and women on the support team are here to help you. We offer low cost licensed professional counseling, mental health coaching, and prayer ministry. We offer the Living Waters support group to help you overcome sexual and relational brokenness. We’re excited to announce the return of our Mending the Soul group to help you overcome the devastating effects of sexual abuse. There’s so much more. We are here to walk with you. Call us at 586.739.5114.

If you’ve already experienced the healing power of Jesus Christ, you have an important calling. Share your story. Show the love of God to someone who is afraid to hope. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you comfort others with the comfort that you have received (2 Corinthians 1:4). You can help bridge the gap between the church and the sexually broken.